Parenting: A disgusting job

Have you ever thought about the things the human body can produce? The everyday stuff, and the unusual, call-the-doctor stuff.

Yes, well I’ve really tried not to think about it either.

But I’m a parent. And now I have no choice.

Today alone I have dealt with:

1. Metric fuckton of snot.
2. Another metric fuckton of liquid poop.
3. Somewhat less than a metric fuckton yet more than you really want to see of greyish-yellow ear discharge. (In a swimming pool. That was awesome. Good thing that puppy’s chlorinated.)


Oddly, dealing with this stuff is somewhat easier when it’s your kid. I mean, at least it’s not some random stranger’s ear goober. Well, it was to the other parents in the swimming class. Poor bastards. But I guess that’s kind of my point. While they probably got the dry heaves, I did not. I immediately cleaned it up, inspected her ear for more, and was not so much grossed out as I was concerned by the fact that disgusting goober is coming out of a place on my daughter’s head that should not be producing disgusting goober.

(And by the way, before you all get up in my ass about why are you blogging about this instead of taking her to the doctor you selfish bloggerwoman, the walk in clinic doesn’t open til 5. We have to go to the walk in clinic because we don’t have a family doctor anymore. And do not get me started on that enormous clusterfuck.)

At any rate, yes. Bodily disgustingness and the surprising ability to deal with it. There’s no other way to get through parenting, really. There must be some kind of built-in reflex inhibitor that suppresses your usual visceral reactions to the horrors of the things the human body can produce.

It’s the same thing as when you gain the miraculous ability to smile at your child at 3 am without even having to force yourself, when if anyone else woke you up you’d be hard pressed to deliver anything other than a grunted “piss off”. It’s hormonal, instinctual. The only way kids get raised to maturity in loving homes instead of dumped under the nearest mulberry bush.

Still, it’s no fun.

In other news: Any tips on sanitizing cloths touched by yellowish-grey ear goop? Because, EW. I guess the reflex wears off once it’s not actually on your kid.

UPDATE: The verdict was a severe infection. Nuclear antibiotics are being administered. Thanks to all for your concern.

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