I legitimately expected 5 people to watch that video.
Seriously. Nobody reads this blog. Mainly because I never update it.
Going viral was not part of the plan.
When I originally made the video, it was because I kept thinking about Amanda after she died. I never met her, but her story stayed with me. I kept going back and reading her tweet stream, wishing I had reached out when she was alive. But I missed the chance. She was gone.
And I thought about how all I knew her through was her twitter stream, and how at least with a twitter stream it’s all just…. you. What you choose to write and put down. No interpretation, no editorializing, no seeing someone through the lens of someone else’s experience. And how someday someone will (maybe, ha) look at my twitter stream and see what I’ve left here and maybe get a glimpse of me. And that I would hope that what I wrote would stay with someone in a positive way, just like Amanda’s final tweet has stayed with me. So I made the video it and shared it with a group of people at BlissDom Canada, to remind everyone of their own legacies, and - the bigger point - to pass on her message. Embrace life even when it gives you a shit deal. Forgive. Carry on.
Maybe I overstepped. Maybe it wasn’t my place. I don’t know.
When I made the video, I kept in almost all of the tweets she made after she got sick. The only ones I left out were the ones that contextually didn’t make sense (certain replies). Other than that, I left it as she did, because it’s how she told her story.
I tried to find out more information about her in order to tell her family about the video. I do not want them to be blindsided by it. But then it got picked up by Jezebel without my knowledge and without credit - meaning that the note I wrote in the original blog post asking anyone who knew her personally to contact me would not be shared. I was quite upset because of that (and also because, come on Jezebel, you know better.) It felt shitty to make it an issue of CONTENT STEALERS! given the subject matter - but to a big site like Jezebel, that’s what they understand. And to their credit, they reached out and now provide proper attribution, so that anyone can now find my full blog post with context.
Then Buzzfeed called, and they allowed me to set the context. I explained the story of how I came to make the video, and my misgivings about it, and the reason I ultimately wanted to share it: Because it’s important. Because she can’t. And she deserved to have her story told, and I could do it, so I did it.
It’s almost like an unauthorized biography - except, it’s all her own words. No editorial. I did not have permission to make or post the video from Amanda or her family, but I hope I did it sensitively and in such a way that her memory is honourably preserved.
So here we are. And I hope you can keep Amanda’s words with you, and if you get a chance, reach out to someone and share kindness.
Pay attention.
Be good to each other.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
you did a good thing
Saw the story in the Toronto Star newspaper. I haven’t watched the video yet. Considering I was tearing up just reading what this is about. I’m sure to be a bubbling mess when I watch it, so best to leave it until I get home. But I wanted to message you to let you know you’ve already touched my heart. Through my own personal losses I too have learned the most amazing lesson - life is short. Forgive, surround yourself with people you love, be generous. take care
More like an unauthorized AUTObiography, or an digital oral history of someone’s life. To this viewer, it’s moving. I hope that when her family sees it, they will feel the same way.
Bob LeDrew recently posted..Episode 34: Happy Hallowe’en – spooky poem edition
My baby brother died last year suddenly, and I would love to read old words of his, like he lives on in the universe and our hearts. What you did was a good thing. Certainly furthering the message of forgiveness is paramount.
Not everyone agrees that this was a good thing. I will once again reiterate, this was a very invasive thing you did, even more weird that you did not know her or her family….or were asked to do this by the deceased, her family or friends. I am moved by lots of things on the internet, none that would ever make me want to take a stranger’s words, set them to music and make a video out of them, for whatever the purpose, whether for self promotion, or to be a do-gooder. Even if your intentions were heartfelt, honest and decent, it was almost stalkerish of you to produce this video. I am surprised her family hasn’t contacted you in extreme anger.
I found the story on BuzzFeed and having lost numerous family members over the years … I wish that there had been time enough for them to leave us this digital trail of thoughts to see. My two nieces and nephew would give most anything to see their mother’s own words in any way they could, besides a few appointment book entries. Sometimes people touch us in the most unusual of ways, and I don’t think that what you did was wrong or “stalkerish” … your heart was moved and pure of intention in wanting to bring tribute to Amanda’s last months here. I found the video and music beautiful. Thank you. I hope her family does find it and gets in touch and you are able to get their take on it, good or bad. I think since her brother shared with her Twitter followers an update on her death, and haven’t since removed her account, that they weren’t unaware that her words would be able to be found by anyone years later. I hope they will be touched that you cared enough about their girl to do something like this for her.
Shannon….
I watched this last night after finding it on Reddit - and then started a conversation (privately as your Youtube video asked) with my friends and family about it.
I really wrestle with this. What you did was beautiful, considerate and certainly made with love. But good doesn’t necessarily mean right.
The question that I’m wrestling with is “when does a person become public?” As we’ve seen (literally in the last week) a tweet is considered Fair Use. But is the entire stream of someone’s life a “body of work” that should be considered as such? Frankly, I don’t know. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of tribute videos to Mandela when he died using his words and likeness. I’m certain nobody asked permission of his family if they could do it. Nor, did they alert the family that they actually did it. And yet everybody applauds. So, is what you did right then? Was she a public figure through her public tweets? Are we all public figures now in varying degree? Maybe.
On the other hand - what you did was (in this case) clearly beautiful. But what if it hadn’t been? What if you’d actually not cared for her very much and created a video that wasn’t nearly as touching - or worse. Would that be different?
I think you’ve actually touched on something really interesting here. You may not have planned on it - but I think you’re about to be the center of a very timely and important conversation.
My best to you….
~rr
I’m sorry that you got duped by this fake twitter account…
I debated for a while whether or not I should comment on any of this. I tried *very hard* to stay away from all manner of dialogue on this issue, actively muted any mentions of twitter handles and tried to go about my days as best as I can this week.
Except, I couldn’t. Because this is Ottawa; everyone knows everybody, and we have two degrees of separation, not six. So I heard about it from likely and unlikely people, and my very abrasive “I don’t want to talk about any of this!” responses haven’t worked.
My issue with this entire thing was the use of it at Blissdom to start with. I thought it was inconsiderate. I knew it could have been done better. Swap the name with a fake one, blur it, or do something that keeps the story you want to tell but gives the person some degree of respect (or the family, in this case). It wouldn’t have lost its impact - I know, because I’ve done that before. I think I was vocal about it online when Blissdom was happening, but the hype of #conference makes replies almost impossible.
Fine. We move on.
Except, we can’t. This week brings back the feelings of utter uselessness that many people felt when trying to reach out and help an ailing individual last year.
There are conversations about this being a fake account, some dark way of sunsetting one’s online presence and so forth. And we hope it’s not.
Then there are conversations about page views, hits, followers, going viral, and making impressions out of somebody else’s (a daughter’s, a sister’s) story. And we hope it’s not about that.
Then I check to see if the initial video post is still around. It is.
And I am disappointed. Not in you specifically Shannon - I don’t know you very well. We follow each other on Twitter and you sound very nice. But I’m responding to the handling of this specific case. I’m disappointed in the circles we work in, with and travel around.
They see no problem with the use of content like this for illustrative purposes at conferences – I don’t recall seeing notes about reaching out to the family on such a massive scale at that time. They get outraged over copyright because a pseudojourno site lifts the video for page views. And they pass on advice about living your life to the max and being kind to one another, then share the ever living daylights out of someone’s last tweets. Sadly, I can guarantee you they’re not scouring the Internet looking for anyone in need of attention or company and offering theirs as quickly as they’re pressing “share” buttons.
They’re probably reading this on their mobile device, in transit, while avoiding all manner of eye contact with the person to their left or right.
So what was the point, really?
On my end, I learned a few things from this experience both as someone working in the digital marketing field and as an individual. And for that, I’ll say thank you.
But I really hope we move to a place where we can tell our own stories, or borrow others’, with a little more attention paid to the ripple effect it creates for all those who weren’t visibly attached.
I’d love to get in contact with you for an interview for 1310News in Ottawa.
Well, I just found out about her and the twitter account. Hoax or not, it’s good to remind us that though people seem ordinary, everyone has something unique to show and we will all leave things behind. She did do her best to enjoy the ride and we should be more like that.